August 20:
I had a topic all planned out but life has been hard this week and I never felt like writing. This week I’ve been sick and trying to find new caregivers. I found out that my home health agency is closing and I’m having trouble with the agency that provides my housekeeper. Every day has been a struggle. A friend once asked me, what a day is like for me now. Not every day is a struggle, most of the time I’m cheerful and positive. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that some days aren’t clouded with sadness.
The last few years have been especially hard. Many times, I have said that life has not been kind to me. Ever since cancer, my immune system has been pretty worthless. I feel like I get sick all the time. All my friends have their own lives to worry about. I am alone most of the time, I can’t drive so it’s hard not to feel isolated.
I can’t swallow, so I have a feeding tube in my stomach. I have to do five feeds a day, none overnight. Sometimes, I feel like all I do all day is prepare feeds and clean my food bottles. I couldn’t always feed myself which made life very difficult. A lot of nursing homes denied me due to my age and feeding tube. My Mom and Stepdad graciously took me in but we had to find a full time caregiver since my parents worked.
I don’t mean to whine. I’m grateful for my life. I’m just being honest. Life is hard and I think it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s how we learn to appreciate the good things in life.
I like to say tomorrow will be kinder.
Jennifer, you aren't whining!! You are right, you are being honest, and to know you and the joyful person you are, it's that much more amazing to me as you describe what a day might look like in your life. You are such an inspiration and knowing what your life is like is good for me...I pray for you and now I know a little more specifics to pray for.
ReplyDeleteAre you feeling better? I'm sorry you have been sick!
Love,
LuAnn