A survivor's thoughts

 I remember last year when I told my friend that I hated the month of June. I tried to be more positive about this year but yesterday, I was reminded of why I hate the month of June. A reminder on my phone popped up, Tucker Ochs Birthday is next week. Tucker is my younger brother but he killed himself in 2019. A little over a month later, I also lost my Dad to suicide. I hate June because it reminds me of my losses. With Father's Day and Tucker’s birthday coming, my grief hits me again.

I never knew what true heartbreak was until I lost Tucker and Dad. And I don’t think I will ever feel whole without them. In 45 days, half of my immediate family was dead.

I don’t really talk about their deaths because it brings me to tears. Now I have realized, how important it is to talk about suicide.

When I was young, my Mom told me that suicide is the most selfish act. I really believe that now. It is often forgotten how much the living are hurt by those that think that death is their only hope. I know the pain it has caused me but watching my Mom losing her son was truly painful.  

Suicide offers an escape from pain but there are many other escapes that can be beneficial. In my opinion, a simple conversation is the best escape. Just vocalizing your pain brings relief. Your friends, family and everyone who loves you Will help you but first you need to vocalize your pain.

If just talking doesn’t give enough relief, there are many other things that will help.

If you feel that you have no one to talk to, call a crisis line! Speak up! The fact is that life is hard. Everyone has pain and has probably wanted an escape. Remember that you are never alone. There’s always someone who has experienced pain. Being honest and open about personal pain is so important. Let’s help each other and realize that suicide will only cause more pain to the survivors. People who are considering suicide never think about how their escape will cause so much pain for everyone who is left to mourn.

There’s a national suicide crisis line that is open 24/7. Just dial 988 to reach the suicide and crisis lifeline. Please reach out before ending your life. The pain you will leave with your loved ones is not worth the escape.

To all the fathers, cherish your time with your children. For all the sons and daughters, enjoy and appreciate your time with your father. Tomorrow’s never promised.